CONTACT Mod 7 Part 2 - Take it to the Next Level - Find Common Intention and get commitment and agreement


Hi everybody. This video is part 2 of step 7 in CONTACT. The last step.  Congratulations. You’ve come along away. Good job.

Like I said, The 2nd ‘T’ in CONTACT stands for Take it to the next level — find common intention and get agreement and a commitment.

In this video I’ll share an example of finding common intention in a mediation setting. It’s your mediation lesson.

I’m going to give you a great 6 step process for mediating and taking all conversations to the next level. I’ll share how to get the agreement and solidify the commitment.

I once mediated a situation on a construction site where a one guy was bullying another.

The secondary intention of the bully was to make the newer, good employee, embarrassed, feeling guilty and angry to get him to shift what he was doing.

He teased him, called him names, and made him feel like quitting. The superintendent wanted to keep both people. He asked me to mediate.

The secondary intention method of thinking didn’t work for the bully. He thought “If he doesn’t want to feel embarrassed or angry, he needs to stop talking to anyone when he’s working. Be more efficient and be better.”

He made the guy feel like quitting instead of feeling like doing more, or different or better.

Here’s what I did, and what you can do when you find yourself in that situation where you are propelled to mediate.

First, I went through the CONTACT procedure with each individual, one-on-one, so I had clear understanding of their individual HIP’s in the situations that had occurred. That’s Step 1.

People feel safer one on one first. I broke the ice with light conversation. and then shared the HIP concept. I got agreement from both people that we communicate in a Human Interaction Process of sensing, thinking, feeling, intending and acting.  

Then I asked about their Individual HIP’s in the situations that had occurred. I validated them, and got them saying ‘yes’ a couple or more times.

That’s Step 2. As a mediator we validate each individual one-on-one. Reveal and validate their intention chain to the primary intention, and get agreement. Get them saying yes.

The intention chain of the bully was to teach the new guy that, he should work harder and faster so the job went well and both could feel proud of working on a good productive team and feel appreciated and then rewarded so and in the end the family could have shelter and food.

The intention chain of the new worker was to work as productively as possible, to contribute to the team and enjoy working with the people he works with.

Then we went to step 3. The 3 of us got together to discuss HIP’s and the situations as they related to each individual.

First we talked about the Bully’s HIP’s in the specific situations. Then we discussed the newer employee’s HIP in the same situations. I shared my HIP as we went through the process.

We brought another level of awareness to each person, so we all understood each other’s process. Awareness, understanding and acceptance are the goals of Step 3.

In Step 4 the goal is to clarify and validate primary intentions in all parties. I went through the process of revealing intention chains for both people together.

We clarified and put them on the table. We validated them. It actually happens naturally, once we’re a seasoned HIP communicator and as we go through HIP awareness with the right questions.

The bully’s approach to name calling and guilt invoking, teaching a lesson, was real and acknowledged. But not accepted.

The newer employees’ trait to talk a little too much while working on a particular task, causing some distraction, thinking it was good for the work environment to have some fun or interesting conversation, wasn’t acceptable either on certain tasks. 

The common primary intention chain was to get the job done effectively and efficiently, in a healthy and somewhat fun work environment, so each could enjoy and feel proud of their work and get paid fairly so they could support themselves and their families.

Now the next step. Step 5 in Taking It To The Next Level in mediating, or any important conversation for that matter, is to agree on the Common intentions that we’ve just identified and get the commitment to focusing on them going forward. 

We all committed to the agreement of working efficiently with some balance and fun.

We agreed, on some tasks like site clean up, it’s okay to have some conversation, as long as both people are moving while they’re talking.

We honored and committed to focusing on primary intentions of productivity and feeling proud of doing a good job, as well as having enjoyment doing what we’re doing, and maybe a smile or laugh.

On other tasks, concentration is important to safety and productivity. Its not okay to be talking about anything that isn’t directly related to the task at hand.

For critical tasks, we agreed to have all minds and hearts focused on primary intentions of safety, productivity, efficiency and pride for a job well done. Avoiding re-work and frustration.

We agreed when its okay to chat and work and when its not. We also agreed to communicate with more clarity in the future, to choose different words than names and labels.

To ask questions, gain some understanding before reacting. To check in and to focus on primary intentions of a check in healthy, fun, productive, efficient and safe work environment.

Now we’re at Step 6 in Taking it to the next. We solidify the commitment by writing it down. Here’s a good mediation tip. I take minutes when I mediate and I share them with the stake holders after the meeting.

I also made the Superintendent aware of the agreement. When I write down the commitment in minutes and tell the leader above them both, (A stakeholder)  it invokes accountability in everybody.

They all felt accountable and moved forward in a little more harmony, with clarity of primary intention and purpose, to complete the project.

Have you ever signed a loan agreement or a mortgage or a credit card application? Did you feel accountable in the moment and later to pay it? Most people do.

Same principle applies to goals and any commitment that’s written down. Our accountability level rises when we witness recording of our commitments or write them down ourselves.

Whenever I’ve written down a commitment in a mediation role, I notice people’s commitment solidify most of the time.

In your Bonus Masterminding module of CONTACT, I’ll share more tips on how to easily and effectively inspire people to commit and be accountable.  

A quick reminder here: Remember that when someone is stuck in their secondary intention, be gently. Validate their HIP. Imagine some primary intentions that might be real for them.

Imagine a chain of intention in your mind and ask them if it might be real for them. Ask questions until you both see their chain of intentions clearly to the primary intention.

When you put the primary intentions on the table, with clarity, you’re putting the ‘power of common intention’ into motion.

The process of primary intention chain building, helps us find solutions and agreement on how to move forward to resolution. 

Why does it work so well? Because people’s primary intentions are common. When we go through primary intention chain discovery, we can relate, and agree and it puts us on a natural path to finding compromise.

The needs list is the root of our good intention, our common intention and our common and middle ground. Be aware of basic human needs when you’re communicating in sensitive, crucial or corrective conversation.

Practice finding and agreeing on common intention, commit, and then solidify the commitment by writing it down, and send it to both or all parties, in a text or an email.

Do you like it when someone follows through on something you’ve agreed to? How do you feel when people don’t do what they said they would?

Ask people to agree to you writing down a commitment in an important conversation, and sending it in an email or text.  The chances of both of you following through increase.

Do you want to be a good or a great leader? When you’ve had an important conversation of any type, write down the resolutions and action agreements and send it in a text or email to all parties. It helps assure accountability.  

Okay so lets recap all of Take it to the Next Level in CONTACT. Find Common Intention and get a commitment.  

In the part one video I talked about the types of intention.

1. Primary intentions evolve out of human needs and are common to most people.

2. Secondary intentions are often negative in nature and we use them to teach people a lesson or get them to wake up, or change something, by invoking intense emotion.

Secondary intentions have their root in primary intentions and link down to them.

The power of common intention is activated and used by primary intention discovery. Sometimes we have to reveal the intention chain, to get both people to see the primary and common intentions.

When we have discovered primary common intention, we naturally find solutions and resolution to sensitive, important and corrective situations and conversations.

Taking it to the next level is done by writing down the resolution, the commitment and sending it in a text or email to solidify the agreement.

Shake on it too. The physical contact is good.

Writing it down and shaking on it, takes your difficult, sensitive or corrective conversation to the next level of getting it done. 

Now here’s the mediation lesson recap. When you mediate, do it with the HIP.

1. Talk to each individual one-on-one first.

2. With each individual, agree that the Human Interaction Process happens and reveal the HIP for each in the situation at hand.

3. Bring them together and go through each person’s HIP one by one, allowing response by the other person as you process.

Share your own HIP, when its appropriate, as you navigate the conversation.

4.  Using HIP disclosure, clarify and validate primary intentions in all parties. Show them their intention chains.

Step 5 in Taking It to The Next Level in mediating, or any important conversation for that matter, is to agree on the Common intentions that we’ve just identified and get the commitment to focusing on them going forward. 

And 6. Write it all down. Solidify the commitment by sending it in an email or a text to all stakeholders.

In your Bonus Masterminding module of CONTACT, I’ll share more tips on how to easily and effectively inspire people to commit, follow through and be accountable.  

What would it be like if you could speed up your learning curve in all the things you want to learn? I’ve learned that masterminding is an incredible tool for speeding up your learning curves.

Check out the bonus video if you want to learn to use these CONTACT methods quickly, effectively and automatically when those sensitive or crucial conversations come up spontaneously.

Now, lets go through the Acronym quickly one more time, to remind you of the places you think you need to practice.

Here’s a quick learning tip. If you share the CONTACT acronym with a trusted friend, you could ask them where they think, you need to practice.

Getting outside perspective and making ourselves accountable to someone we trust, makes us better quicker. 

Do you want to learn to be a good communicator quickly? It’s a good idea to get feedback when you want to improve in any aspect of life that’s important to you.

With a trusted friend share your intention: I want to speed up developing good and effective communication habits. Share the Acronym. And ASK them for feedback.

Here’s the acronym recap.

C in CONTACT is for consciousness now. Become aware of yourself, your HIP and the immediate situation.

Remember, the HIP — the Human Interaction Process, is your navigation tool for sensitive, important and corrective conversations.

Separate from the intense emotions if they’re present. Gather yourself. Be aware and here now.

O in CONTACT stands for Out yourself wisely. Choose your words, body language, facial expression and voice tone effectively. Then, quickly state your HIP. There’s tons of tips in Module 2.

N in CONTACT stands for Notice the other person 1st. Ask about their HIP. Seek first to understand then to be understood.

T in CONTACT stands for Tune in. Actively listen. Practice the 17 tips in module 4.

A in CONTACT is for Affirm and clarify. Make sure you know their HIP and you’ve got your interpretation right. Use the 3 techniques.

C in CONTACT is for common ground. Find it and get into the ‘Yes’ Frame of mind. Take seek 1st to understand to another level of seek first to validate. Validate them and yourself.

T in CONTACT is for Take it to the next level and get a commitment. Find common intention and write down the solutions and resolution. Solidify the commitment. Send the agreement in a text or email.

Hey, congratulations. You’ve finished all the main modules of CONTACT communicating to make you a great communicator and leader. Way to go. Good job.

You know the CONTACT steps. It’s up to you to practice and make yourself a better communicator and better leader.

You can lead in may ways with good communicating. In fact you can lead any important, sensitive or corrective conversation, or situation, once you’re a seasoned CONTACT Communicator. And you can be a good mediator too with practice.   

I hope you enjoyed the program. Please Like it if you like it. Leave your comments. Love to read em. I love the feedback. Thanks for watching see you in the bonus video.


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